James Vs The Magikarp Salesman
by The Insane Zen Child
Summary: Finally, a story on the Magikarp Salesman. Meowth, James, and Jessie are wrapped up in shenanigans in a madeup region of mine. You can only blame one dastardly villian. Reviews or I'll continue to suck. :D
1. Chapter 1

Ah, dear. Ah dear, Ah dear, Ah dear. This is it. I promised my fans (Do I have any? …probably not… sad…) that I would do it.

_**MAGIKARP SALESMAN FANFICTION!!!**_ Co-Starring James, just because of all of their 'run-ins' where he gets ripped off. Ah, NO ONE has written a Magikarp Salesman fanfic! I am appalled!

As I write this, I feel as if this will turn out really stupid if I'm not careful. All right… here I go! Feel free to review! I accept anonymous ones! Usually they're just people who didn't feel like logging in! Let's go!

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"Sigh…" James sighed, depressed. He looked out of Jessie's Jeep window, watching the scenery pass by. Jessie was driving, and Meowth was snoozing in the back, snoring quite audibly. They were driving down the countryside, trying to find Ash & Co., to steal Ash's beloved Pikachu. James shook his head. Sometimes these things made him feel rather hopeless. After all, it had been four years, and four different regions, but Pikachu still remained out of their grasp.

"Ah, this is pointless, Jessie!" he moaned, looking at his longhaired partner in crime. She didn't show any sign of having heard him, continuing to drive. He slunk lower in his seat, the seatbelt jutting into his chin. He usually had to leave his older Pokemon back in other regions when he went to new ones, and this was no exception. He was beginning to detest Cenhom (Note: a region I made up, supposedly west of Hoenn), just because his Pokemon weren't there.

"Well, we're in Nuance City now, James. If you're not feeling so good, we can go to a Motel and rest." Jessie remarked bluntly, watching the country merge into a bright city. It was around eight in the evening, and the sun was beginning to set, making the entire city look even brighter. It was the home to most Electric trainers, so they assumed Ash and his Pikachu might be there.

"M-Meowth… where are we? Are we in Nuance?" Meowth yawned from the back, waking up. "Good, I need a pick-me-up reeeaaalll bad…" James chuckled. His talking Meowth friend was rather funny, in his opinion. Then again, James was aware that he wasn't the sharpest bulb in the shed (Get it? …okay, lame…), and just about anything could make him laugh.

"Hey, I'm gonna go get us a room at the Nuance Motel for trainers, okay?" Jessie said, parking the Jeep in a parking space. "You two go ahead and explore Nuance, just be back at the Motel by nine, okay?" Meowth and James nodded. "Good. Be careful."

Meowth hopped out of the Jeep, and hobbled to the nearest bar. James was about to leave, too, when Jessie grabbed him by the collar.

"James." she barked, "You are NOT to spend more the $50.00 for ANYTHING. That INCLUDES Pokemon. Remember when you gave up our salaries for that angry Magikarp?!" James nodded meekly. That event almost killed them when it evolved into a Gyrados, one who seeked revenge. Jessie let go of his collar, and walked to the hotel.

"Phht. I don't have $50.00, anyways!" James laughed, heading uptown. Nuance sure was a pretty exciting place at night, full of casinos and music halls, and people roaming all over the place! James was naturally a social person, and being in a crowd made him happy. He started skipping on the sidewalk, singing random songs off the top of his head.

"_I love Chimechos… they're so fun to talk to on occasion…_" he ad-libbed, not aware of the crowds of people plugging their ears. James found himself next to a Café, and leaned back on the wall, content. Okay, he got lonely without Pokemon, but bright lights and people to admire him certainly lifted his spirits. He laughed. How could he have been so sad beforehand?

"All I need is a Pokemon, and this will be PERFECT!" he said out loud.

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Meanwhile, a shady looking guy with a white bandana on his forehead was walking around town, looking for people to scam. He was just about to pop into the bar when he saw James sitting down on the ground, smiling foolishly. "_Ahh… fresh bait…_" he thought evilly, walking toward his target.

"Hey, man, are you kinda lonely?" shady guy asked James. James looked up at the man, who he vaguely recognized.

"Uh… yeah… no… wha…?" he mumbled, to which the shady man smiled.

"Yes, you look like a Trainer with no Pokemon…" he whispered melodramatically, to which James nodded.

"Yup… they're all in Sinnoh…" he muttered. Who WAS this familiar man?

"Oh, I think you remember me! I'm the MAGIKARP SALESMAN!" the man cried, pulling out a brown bag from behind his white shirt. "I sell a variety of rare Pokemon for a VERY low price! So? Would you like a Pokemon?" He opened the brown bag to reveal a dozen Pokéballs, to which James oohed and aahed in delight. This was the solution to his loneliness! Pokemon for sale!

"Oh, I'd LOVE a Pokemon! May I look at them, please?!?!" James asked, to which the salesman nodded. "YAY! Okay…" He searched through the Pokéballs. One of them had a picture of a Linoone, one of them had an image of a Carnivine, and one of them had…"

"A FEEBAS! Wow!!!" James cried. He knew that if you gave a Feebas a whole lot of Blue Pokeblocks, it would become a beautiful Milotic!! "How much do you want for it?!" The salesman laughed.

"Only $60.00 dollars, a STEAL!" he reported. James flinched. Sixty? He only had 45!

"Hey… could we bring it down to $45.00 dollars?" James whined, to which the Salesman pondered. How could he scam this sucker into a thievery?

"Hey…" the salesman said. "I will if you give me your Meowth!" James blanched. MEOWTH?! He couldn't just give up MEOWTH!!

Then again…

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"Boy, oh boy, Feebas! We're gonna be quite a team!" James laughed as he skipped down to the Motel. Meowth had given in to the plan pretty quickly, mostly because he had been drunk at the time. James liked this Feebas quite a lot! After all, it just wriggled and listened to him! Meowth would never LISTEN to him when he talked, just nod and doze off!

"So, Feebas, how glad do you think Jesse will be when we get the Motel?" James asked, to which the Feebas was silent.

"Feebas?"

Nothing.

"Feebas? Are you asleep?!"

WHOOSH! Feebas leapt out of his arms, and shook violently. A whole lot of grey powder flew off of its back, revealing-

"NOOOO! A MAGIKARP!!!!!" James cried. The Magikarp, who had been cleverly disguised as a Feebas, wriggled into a nearby pond, and swam away (well, okay, drifted away…).

"W-what have I-I DONE?!?!" James screamed in a high-pitched voice. He had given up Meowth AND $45.00 dollars just for stupid Magikarp!!! "NOOOOO! MEOWTH! I HAVE TO GET BACK MEOWTH!!!" James began to run back to the Café he had met the Salesman at, hoping to find him there. Alas, it was closed. Ahh! That was so STUPID! A talking Meowth was worth MILLIONS! And he gave him up for a MAGIKARP!!!

"DON'T WORRY, MEOWTH!" James shouted, making passerby stare at him. "I SHALL SAVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

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WHOOO! I finished Chapter 1! Yay! For those of you who do not know, Nuance City is an Electric oriented city I created for an imaginary region I made up, Cenhom. If you read more of my stories, you would be aware of this!

Oh, well. REVIEW! James's emotions sure go up and down, eh? I wonder how Jessie's going to react…

REVIEW!

…

…

…

Have you reviewed yet? Just press that button.


	2. Chapter 2

Hee-Hee-Hee! Someone actually entered me onto their 'Favorite Authors' list! I feel the lightest of euphoria! I'm happy! I'm gleeful! I'm-

-Mewtwo comes and wrings my neck for being such a happyass-

Okay… anyhow, I didn't know people actually LIKED what I wrote! Now, to proceed with James' adventure!

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"…Nnnn… what's going on? Where's my beer?" Meowth moaned. He had been drinking at a bar, arguing with James for some reason or another, when he had passed out! "Hey, hello? Anyone here?" Looking around, Meowth saw that he was in a backpack, being lugged around on some guy's back.

"Hey, buddy, what the hell's going on?" Meowth slurred. He was still very drunk. The man smiled, and Meowth recognized him immediately. "HEY! You're that Magikarp Guy who keeps on ripping off James!"

"That's right!" the Magikarp Salesman chirped, a wide smile on is face. "Do you know just what happened? Do you know why you're here?"

"All I know is that I'm dizzy. Hey, am I drunk, or am I drunk? Wheeeee…" Meowth laughed. Maybe he had drunk one too many beers at the Bar, he didn't remember anything that had occurred.

"Yes, you ARE drunk. Anyhow, your friend James gave you to me, in exchange for a Magikarp!"

That got Meowth's attention. "WHAT?!?!?!?!" he shrieked, waving his small paws. "That stupid James gave me up for a MAGIKARP?!?!"

"Oh, now, don't be upset!" The Magikarp Salesman chuckled. "Face it, if he works hard enough, it could become a Gyrados, whereas you're just a sniveling, thieving Meowth with an extraordinary talent!"

"NOW WAIT JUST ONE MOMENT YOU- wait, talent?" Meowth asked, confused.

"But of course! You have the ability to speak! I don't know of many Pokemon that can, if any!" The Magikarp Salesman laughed. "Face it, James is better off without you, and I am better off WITH you! Together, we can attract billions and billions of dollars! You can be part of a traveling entertainment act!" He held up his hands dramatically. _"Come, one and all to witness the spectacle of the century! It's brave! It's bold! It's the amazing talking Meowth!!!"_

Meowth shook his head stubbornly. "What about Jessie, eh? What's SHE going to do without me?! I can't leave those two numbskulls by themselves! They'll perish!"

The Magikarp Salesman smirked. "Ahh, I think I see. You are willing to go back to those horrendous, pathetic excuses of Trainers, just because you want to take care of them. Ahh, you certainly ARE a noble Pokemon. Come with ME, however, and the whole WORLD shall know your name! Come with ME, and-"

The Magikarp Salesman suddenly noticed that his satchel was much lighter. "Meowth?" he called. Silence. "Meowth?!"

"HA HAA!" Meowth laughed, having jumped out of the sack and was now bolting down the crowded sidewalk. "Nyah, nyah! Can't catch a Meowth! A Meowth is too quick! Yee-Haw!!!"

The Magikarp Salesman was infuriated. "GET BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE RASCAL!!!" he roared, running after Meowth. NO ONE, and I repeat, NO ONE outwitted the Magikarp Salesman! NO ONE!!!

Meowth shook his head, hiding in the large crowd of people lining the street. "Heh, there's one thing that you should know about Meowth: Meowth doesn't follow the orders of NOBODY! That's right! NOBODY!" He smirked, not able to see the Magikarp Salesman anywhere, and the effects of the alcohol having abated (Note: I think beer affects Pokemon differently, I don't know…). "Heh! I'll just find James, and I can go back to the Motel! This will be alright!"

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"MEOWTH!?!?! MEOWTH, WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" James cried out, pushing the people in the crowded streets out of his way. "Excuse me, pardon me, sorry…" he muttered, looking for his feline companion. Why, oh WHY had he believed that Magikarp guy?! He was so STUPID!

"MEOWTH!!! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!" he shouted again. He was about to ask some people if they had seen him when he felt a hand grab his shoulder.

"Didn't I tell you to be back at 9:00?!" he heard behind him. James twirled around to see Jessie staring at him crossly. He mentally kicked himself, realizing his mistake.

"Oh, hey, Jessie…" he whimpered, as Jessie began to stare at him, suspicious.

"James, where's Meowth?" she asked in an icy voice. James shuddered, but put on an innocent face, attempting to deceive his comrade.

"Meowth? Why, he would be back at the bar… wouldn't… he?" he quailed under Jessie's glare. Her eyes were steel, cold hard steel, ready to crush his bones.

"Listen, buddy, I SAW you running around, screaming for Meowth. Now, answer me RIGHT NOW: WHERE IS MEOWTH?!" Jessie demanded. James fell onto his knees, feeling as if he could wet his pants out of fright.

"Umm… well… remember… the Magikarp Salesman?"

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"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"JAMES, YOU IMBICLE! YOU FREAKING IGNORAMIOUS!"

Meowth looked up to see what was going on. He had been looking for James, but hadn't found him. The scream sure sounded like him, though. Meowth could have sworn he had heard Jessie and James!

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?!?!'

"I'M SORRY, JESSIE, DON'T EAT ME!"

"Oh, god, I hear James! I have to go get him!" Meowth exclaimed, dashing through the street.

"Hey!"

"Watch it!"

"Stupid Pokemon!"

Onlookers complained as Meowth pushed them out of the way, hoping to return to Jessie and James, especially before James got killed! "James, I'm coming!" Meowth cried, finally seeing his two partners near the Town Square.

Unfortunately, yelling that loud revealed his location to the Magikarp Salesman. "That's it, Meowth! I've got you now!" he laughed menacingly, chasing after him.

Meowth noticed the Salesman behind him, and bolted even faster, determined to reach James and Jessie.

"HEY GUYS! I'M OVER HERE!!!" he screamed. Jessie stopped punching James for a moment, and noticed Meowth running toward her, the Salesman running close behind.

"MEOWTH!" Jessie and James shouted simultaneously. They both ran to Meowth and picked him up, giving him a BIG hug!

"Aw, guys, don't ever sell me again!" Meowth cried.

"Don't worry, Meowth! I won't let you go!" sobbed our overly dramatic James, tears rolling down his face.

The joy didn't last long, though. "HEY!" the Magikarp Salesman shouted at them, "That Meowth is MINE! You GAVE him to me! You have no right to take him!"

James stammered. "B-but, you C-CONNED me…"

Jessie pushed James aside. "Sniveling wimp…" she muttered under her breath, then looking directly at the Salesman. "Listen here, you, Meowth isn't just any Pokemon. Without him, none of US would have any way to feel good about ourselves! We would never have anyone to blame for everything bad that ever happens to us!"

Meowth was a tad put off. "Hey…"

"Shhh." Jessie hushed. "Listen, you are NOT taking Meowth. I won't allow it!"

The Magikarp Salesman humphed. "Well, legally, he's MINE!"

"LEGALLY?!" Jessie shouted, exasperated. "COME ON! We're Team Rocket! We don't CARE about LEGALITY!"

The Magikarp Salesman shook his head. "Then I guess I have no choice!" he shouted, then pulled something out of his pocket. A Smoke Bomb! He threw it onto the ground, and both Jessie and James were enveloped in a cloud of black smoke. While Jessie was busy coughing, the Salesman yanked Meowth out of her arms, and ran out of sight!

"NO! MEOWTH!!!" James cried in despair. He sat down, miserable. "It's all my fault… I should never have trusted that goon…"

"Then you have no choice but to get him back, do you? Probably through a Pokemon Battle!" Jessie asked nonchalantly. James flinched, and looked at her strangely.

"WHAT?! You know I'm not good at-" James began, but was cut off.

"DO IT."

"O-okay…"

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Well, that chapter was weird… well, you know what I'm going to say! REVIEW! Ahh, this story is rather difficult for me to write. I try to make it funny, but I screw up… I'm too melodramatic…

-Mewtwo nods, smirking-

-Whispers to self- _That freaking bastard…_ -Talking normally again- Anyways, reviewing is the best way to help me! Please do so!


	3. Chapter 3

Wowza. I mean Wowzapalooza. I mean WOWZA-PA-FRICKIN-LOOZA! No one has been mean to me about the Salesman story yet! It is nice writing funny things once in a while, I must say. Ah, well. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this story. EXTRA thanks to anyone who reviewed!

-Eyes sparkle in delight-

-Mewtwo whacks my face for being a 'joyful jerk', as some people call me-

Ahem… let's go! (To myself: Oww… +_*)

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"AHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEE!" Meowth screeched as he was carried through the streets. The Magikarp Salesman smirked, and put a piece of tape over Meowth's mouth (Note: Say that phrase ten times fast: Meowth's mouth, Meowth's mouth…). He tried to scream, but only a weightless wail escaped the tape. "NNNNNNNNN!!!"

"It's no use, Meowth, stop making a fool of yourself, and ruining that wonderful voice of yours!" The Magikarp Salesman crooned, shoving Meowth into his satchel again. "Don't worry, I'll take such good care of you that you'll never want to be with those Team Rocket Grunts again!" Meowth attempted to protest, but was cut off. "Forget it. You're with me now, and no amount of complaining can do anything about it!" The Salesman then closed the satchel, and continued his way up the street. He was planning to stay in his car for the night, then make his way to Zuregrotto Port the next morning, selling his new shipment of Pokemon.

"Hmm… It seems that a sucker will do just about ANYTHING for a Pokemon…" he muttered to himself, shaking his head. "Just about ANYTHING…"

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"Jessie, I think I just thought of a flaw in your brilliant plan!" James exclaimed, clapping his hand onto his forehead. The two had been racing up and down the streets of Nuance for the last fifteen minutes, trying to find the Salesman! God, that guy sure could hide if he wanted to!

"Eh? What's the flaw?" Jessie asked, not really caring.

"Err… How can I have a Pokemon battle against the Magikarp Salesman… if I have no Pokemon?" James asked sheepishly. Jessie stopped running for a moment, and stared at him.

"You're right, we have no Pokemon!" she wailed, slamming her head on the wall of a nearby building. "Urgh! Why is it that everything always screws up?! ALWAYS!!!" Her face began to get pink, and James took it as a bad sign.

"Jessie, darling… your face is pink… okay, now its red… angsty, isn't she… oh, god, purple-"

"WELL YOU KNOW WHAT?! IT HAS ALL RIGHT TO BE PURPLE!!!" Jessie screamed, kicking the wall in front of her. "OWW! OWW, GOD THAT HURT!" she suddenly began shouting. Brick walls aren't the smartest thing to kick in explosive rage. She sat down, frustrated.

"This wouldn't be happening is Meowth were here…" Jessie moaned, clutching her throbbing foot. "God, it's usually HIM who get's hurt the most…" She sighed. "Wow, we're screwed up…"

"Well, sitting on the ground and whining isn't going to help you, now is it?" a voice called out from behind the two. James turned his head, and was surprised to see Ash, his old rival, walking toward the two.

"A-Ash! Oh, long time no see!" James stammered. Jessie elbowed his gut, watching him squirm.

"Prepare for trouble!" she shouted.

"Oh, yeah… right, and make it double!" James said his part.

"To protect the world from devasta-"

Ash shook his head, annoyed. "Guys, you have no Pokemon, Jessie's foot is probably broken, Meowth is missing, and you're worried about getting PIKACHU?!" he groaned. James scratched his head, a little embarrassed.

"Whoops! Sorry, forgot about that there…" he laughed awkwardly, an anime sweat drop forming on his temple. Jessie sighed. Typical James.

"Listen, you have us there, Ash." she admitted. "The Magikarp Salesman stole Meowth, and we're trying to find him. Have you seen him anywhere? Short, squat guy with a Mexican accent and a weird brown bag on his shoulder?" Ash nodded, recognizing the description.

"The one who always scams James?" he asked. James nodded sheepishly. "Yeah, I saw a guy like that down the street, heading toward the parking lot. He might have a car there!" he reported, having passed the parking lot a few minutes ago on his way to the Motel. James grinned, feeling hopeful and happy!

"Why, thank you very much, Ash! Wow, we have to go find him!" he shouted, turning to run. He was about to bolt down the street when Ash grabbed his shoulder.

"Listen, what the heck are you going to do once you find him?!" Ash asked James. James thought a moment, and groaned.

"Agh, I don't have any Pokemon…"

"Not for long, though!" Ash laughed, pulling a Pokéball out of his vest pocket. "I'll come with you to help get Meowth, and you can borrow one of my Pokemon once you find the Salesman!" Jessie smiled, and Ash knew exactly what she was thinking.

"NOT Pikachu."

"Drat."

James was feeling euphoric. "Ah, yay! We have a chance! We'll save you, Meowth!" So the three of them began to walk to the Parking Lot.

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Meanwhile, Meowth was pawing at the tape on his mouth. He was afraid that it would hurt to yank off, but it was either that or be silent all his life (Well, until he was put on showcase as a Talking Pokemon…)!

"Okay, here it goes!" he thought to himself, having clasped the tape in his claws. _RIIIIPPP!_ He tore it clean off his mouth, and felt a horrible, stinging pain. "OWW-" he began to scream, then stopped, so the Salesman wouldn't know that he had taken the tape off. It hurt! It hurt so much!!!

"Are you okay?" he suddenly heard. He spun his head around, and saw a Chimecho sitting behind him!

"Err… yeah…" he whispered, trying to keep under covers about the whole tape thing. The Chimecho laughed, and Meowth recognized the voice. It wasn't a Chimecho at all! It was a Hoppip!

"Hey! You're a Hoppip!" he exclaimed. The Hoppip, who, if you looked closely, was in a costume, and had her face painted to LOOK like a rare Chimecho! She frowned, and turned away.

"Err… yeah, I'm sorry…" she muttered. Meowth shrugged, and turned around, just to see an angry looking Shuppet staring back at him.

"Whatcha thinking, being so mean to Hoppin?!" he demanded, and Meowth could tell it was no ordinary Shuppet. It was just another costume! The Shuppet (or so he appeared… or not… -_-) drew in closer, and Meowth could see his silhouette.

"HEY! You're no Shuppet! You're an ODDISH!" Meowth shrieked, staring around him. Were ALL these Pokemon fakes?! "Oh, god, I didn't mean anything mean or nothing… just… what the heck's going on?!" he wailed, closing his eyes and sitting down. "Ah, god…"

"It's not your fault." Hoppip said ruefully, shaking her leaves and sighing. "All the new ones are like this: They're confused, realize the truth, and get depressed, like us…" She looked up. "We haven't really introduced ourselves. I'm Hoppin, and this is Odder. Pleasure to meet you." She lent a leaf, and Meowth shook it (a handshake, see?).

"Hey, now that you're here, do you know just where we're going?" Odder asked, pushing Hoppin out of the way. "We haven't eaten for days… god, do you have any food, either?" Meowth shook his head sadly; he was starting to wish he had brought some beer from the bar.

"Ah, guys, this is PRISON! Don't you ever try to get out?!" Meowth asked, crouching on the floor of the satchel. Odder shook his head.

"Naw, there's no chance!" he assured sadly, "We've tried! The Salesman always finds some way to stop us, until…" He paused for a moment, then continued. "Until we're sold."

Meowth blanched, and shook his head fiercely. "Well, I bet my friends Jessie and James are coming right now to save me!" he retorted proudly. "Who knows, they might save you, too!" Hoppin looked up at him hopefully.

"Do you really mean that?!" she asked, overjoyed.

"Sure! I bet they're on their way right now!"

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"MEOWTH! HEY, WE'RE COMING TO SAVE YOU!!!" James screamed out loud.

"IDIOT." Jessie barked. "Pipe down! We're trying to sneak-attack!"

"Which, if you remember your previous adventures with opponents, never ends well, do they?" Ash asked, feeling the urge for a sarcastic comment. Jessie made a move that looked as though she was going to slap him, then changed her mind, concentrating on finding the Salesman instead.

"Hey… isn't that his cart over there?" she asked suddenly, eyeing an old car parked next to a small cart. Ash looked at it, and smiled triumphantly.

"YES! C'mon, guys! We have a Meowth to save!"

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Eh-heh-heh… I haven't updated this in a while, I was too wrapped up in Regal and Ralts. Ah, well. I DID update, and that's what matters.

REVIEW THIS. I don't know, but maybe this thing might end in one or two chapters, or maybe I'll drag out the torture! Regardless, tell me how you feel! I won't mind!

See you!


	4. Chapter 4

Hallo! I'm back! God, I haven't written for this story in a while. A whole lot of schoolwork is getting on to me… I'm running out of time to write! T-T Ahh, well. I saw this REALLY scary video online of a Magikarp kicking (…? Splashing?) the living beans out of Piplup and Pikachu. Holy crap, that was frightening. It'll make you see Magikarps in a whole new light, though. ^-^ Maybe I'll throw one in to another story, when a disadvantaged Trainer pulls out the Magikarp and wins the battle!

Let's go!

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James was feeling excited. There was the Salesman's car, and a large bag of Pokemon inside of it! "Meowth's in there, I bet!" he shouted in glee. Jessie rolled her eyes, and clubbed him in the head.

"Didn't I JUST tell you, you have to be QUIET! If we can just get the Bag and run, we won't even have to bother with a Pokemon Battle!" she growled. James mumbled something under his breath, turning away. "What did you say, James?" Jessie asked dangerously. Jams didn't respond. "WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"I…" James began. "I… called you a demonic bitch." Jessie blanched, and James continued. "Yes! You're a demonic bitch who has no right to boss me around!" James was feeling triumphant now. "I'm my OWN man, and no one has the right to tell me how to live! I will do what I want! What I-"

WHAM.

James was sent sprawling onto the floor. Jessie growled again, her fist still in the air. "SHUT UP." she whispered angrily. "Didn't I just say you had to be quiet?" Ash watched this scene in amusement, and couldn't help but chuckle.

"You know what I just thought of?" he asked. James shook his head, still dizzy from the punch. "You two would make a beautiful couple!" Jessie stared at him in disbelief, then lunged at him.

"THAT'S JUST PLAIN DISGUSTING!!!!!" she screamed. "THAT'S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!" Her face began to grow purple again. "I BET YOU TEN BUCKS THAT JAMES IS GAY!!!"

"Hey, speak for yourself, she-he!" James retorted, raising his head. "What the HECK was THAT supposed to mean?! I bet you're a LESBIAN!" Jessie flinched. "YEAH, that's right, a LESBIAN!"

Ash shook his head. "Both of you, shut up!" he muttered quietly. "Yeah, Jessie's probably lesbian, and James might be gay, but…" Ash chuckled. "James could have a gay crush on Jessie, who in turn has a lesbian crush on James!" Finished, Ash grinned, waiting for response.

Silence.

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"You know, I can hear those numbskulls right outside the Bag!" Meowth exclaimed. Odder jumped up, and pressed one of his ears (…?) onto the side of the Bag. Hoppin remained sitting, but looked up hopefully, reclining on a bunch of Pokéballs that held other prisoners.

"Wow…" Odder whispered, "They sound so… heroic!"

"Heh, not likely." Meowth affirmed, shaking his head. "Probably they're having some sort of an argument over who's gay and who's not…" He smiled. "Those two are always arguing and stuff-" He stopped, and pressed his ear closer to the Bag. "Hey… I think I hear Ash!"

"Who's Ash?" Hoppin asked, standing up and hopping over to the others. "Is he your friend?"

"Not likely!" Meowth shouted. "He's a snot nosed brat who's always getting in the way of our plans! Why, if I had a nickel for every time he's screwed with our ideas, I'd be as rich as Bill Gates!" Hoppin and Odder shook their heads, not knowing who Bill Gates was.

Unfortunately, Meowth's shouting, combined with J&J's loud protest to Ash's remark, roused the Salesman out of sleep. He moaned, and turned over in his car seat. "Nnnn… what's going on…?" he mumbled, before seeing the three people outside. Alert, he jumped out of his car, waving a large wooden cane. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" he yelled, "JUST GET OUT!"

"NO!" James shouted back, "Not until I get back Meowth!" The Salesman smirked.

"How? I could just drive away if I felt like it! It's not like you have Pokemon to fight back with!" he chuckled. Ash grinned, seeing his chance.

"GO! AIPOM!" he shouted, sending a short, monkeylike creature out from a Pokéball. Aipom landed on the ground, and walked over to James. "Aipom can fight against ANY of your stolen Pokemon!" The Salesman didn't look nervous, but actually smiled.

"Lovely. Just lovely…" He walked over to the Pokemon, and Ash started to think this was a bad idea. "Yes, nice specimen…" In a flash, the Salesman scooped Aipom in his arms, and jumped back into the car. Before Ash could stop him, he was already accelerating, and driving out of Nuance City.

"NOOOOO!!!! AIPOM!!!!" Ash cried. He wrung his hands in panic. "WHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDOWHATDOWEDO?!?!"

Jessie shook her head. "Ugh, you're such a panicky person, no wonder they had to bring Brock back in the third season." She continued before Ash could ask what she meant. "Listen, all we have to do is follow that car. The road he's on only leads to Zuregrotto, so we should be able to follow him easily." Ash looked up at her in amazement.

"Hey… since when were you level headed?" Ash asked suspiciously. Jessie shrugged.

"A lot of our plans screw up, Ash. We always have to be ready for it. Come on, let's go." So all three of our heroes and anti-heroes began their journey to Zuregrotto.

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Yikes, short chapter. Ah, well. REVIEW. That's all I can say. I try my best, you tell me if it's good enough. That's all.

See you!


	5. Chapter 5

Hello again! It's been well over a year since I updated this story – frankly, I just never had the time. :P I deleted Regal and Ralts (kind of unoriginal) and started working on Shaman King fanfics again… but I just can't let this one go, it's the one with the best memories strung on (and the most readers by far).

Oh, before we begin, I hadn't realized Ash's Aipom had become an Abipom (DID it? I had no idea). So let's just assume, in this canon, that it is still an Aipom. :D

"What the hell?" Meowth shrieked, "We're MOVIN'!"

"But I thought your friends were going to SAVE us!" Hoppin wailed. Odder grunted.

"Humph, the Salesman must be driving away – probably they decided they didn't NEED us!"

"Don't be stupid, Odder!" Meowth retorted, "Those numbskulls have wills of IRON, they wouldn't give up THAT easily!" He sat back down, not able to stand in the moving car. "Gah, probably the Salesman just foiled them or somethin'."

All of the sudden, the bag was jerked upward, and the top opened slightly. Odder yelped and jumped up to the open top, but was pushed back down by two large hands, those of the Salesman. There was some more movement, then a medium sized, purple monkeyesque Pokemon was forced into the bag, before the drawstring tightened shut again.

"Heyyyy, I know you!" Meowth realized, "You're that Ash brat's Aipom!"

Aipom shook, scared and freaked out. "What happened? Where's Ash, where's Ash, whe-"

"Relax, Aipom, you were stolen!" Meowth explained brashly. "That Salesman guy, you saw him, right?"

"…The guy who took me? Yeah."

"Yeah, that guy steals Pokemon and scams other people into buying them, pretending they're RARE!"

Aipom gasped. "So…he took me from Ash?"

Odder sighed. "Yeah, and he's gunna sell you, 'cuz your friend Ash and those two other guys couldn't save us."

He sighed, and Hoppin began to cry, Aipom joining in. Meowth looked at all the Pokemon in the bag with a mix of disgust and pity. Had they given up already?

"Hey, shaddup!" he said, "I'm a born sneak! If I'm trapped here, well, I can escape! And I'm SURE at least Ash is coming after you, Aipom, so we'll have backup for when we try to escape!"

Odder looked up at Meowth like he was crazy. "Escape? We can't escape, the Salesman is too CRAFTY!"

Meowth looked back down at Odder, feeling cocky. "NO ONE is more cunning, crafty, and roundabout evil than Meowth! So can it, mister!"

"…k."

"MEOWTH!" James cried, "WE'LL CATCH YOU!"

James, Jessie and Ash were riding on the back of Ash's Altaria (note: Again, I don't know if in the actual canon, Ash OWNS an Altaria, but let's just assume he does). Altaria was flying as fast as she could, following the road that led into Zuregrotto. Ash couldn't be certain that was where the Magikarp Salesman was going, but it seemed to be the only logical place.

"Well, Altaria can probably catch up to the car, but THEN what'll we do?" Ash asked. "If she attacks the car, we might crush the Pokemon!"

Jessie jerked where she was sitting. She hadn't thought of that, either, but Ash was right – if they were going all this way, what point would there be if they killed their own Pokemon? "I… I don't know!"

As Altaria flew, the threesome sat, pondering their dilemma. Several minutes passed, and no one had any idea. Suddenly, James shouted in joy.

"AHA! Let's pull a SNORLAX on this one!"

Ash and Jessie both looked at James like he was stupid. "What… the hell?" Ash asked.

"No no, listen to me!" James explained. "When I was just starting to work for Team Rocket, and there was this bus full of gems and stuff we needed to steal-"

"I remember that!" Jessie interjected.

"Yeah, and we didn't want to wreck the bus or we couldn't steal the gems, right? Instead, we dropped a gigantic Snorlax on the bus and smashed the motor! The gems stayed alright, but the bus stopped, so we could steal the gems!"

"Team Rocket's Hour of Honor…" Jessie reminisced.

Ash thought about what James was saying. He was right, something to wreck the car's engine but keep the Pokemon alive was exactly what they needed. "But James, we don't have a Snorlax!" Ash realized. "Even if we did, Altaria couldn't hold him!"

(Altaria: Shaddup, bitch, I'll drop YOU, you'd probably make a dent in the Earth!)

"Yeah…" James said, "But we could just have Altaria dive-bomb the car!"

(Altaria: WTF?)

"Hey, James, that's a GREAT idea!" Ash exclaimed! "Altaria just has to smash head first into the car at top speed, and smash the motor into PIECES!"

(Altaria: But I'm not suicidal!)

"Brilliant, James!" Jessie agreed, "Let's do that as soon as we find the getaway car!"

(Altaria: NOOOOOOOOOOO I'm not INSURED!)

"I'm so proud of you, Altaria!" said Ash happily.

(Altaria: I'm screwed.)

"So what's your plan, Meowth?" asked Hoppin, done crying.

"It's simple – but I want you guys to huddle here as I say it so the readers can't foreshadow what we're going to do!" So the Pokemon all huddled around Meowth to hear his plan, so you readers couldn't tell what they were going to do.

"That's brilliant, Meowth!" Aipom exclaimed.

"I could've thought of that…" grumbled Odder.

"It'll work – but we're going to have to be lucky, which isn't a thing of mine, really." Meowth explained. "Now let's go!"

So the Pokemon went to work, preparing for their escape.

"Hmmmhmhmhm…" hummed the Magikarp Salesman as he drove down the road. He had lost that little boy and the two criminals, now he just had to get to Zuregrotto and sell off those Pokemon he had caught! "To the M, to the A, to the G, to the I, to the KARP! Wut dat spell? MAGIKARP!" he sang to himself, not aware of what was going to happen, due to the Pokemon having huddled earlier to prevent the readers foreshadowing what would happen.

"CHAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGEE!" Someone screamed from the back of his car. The Magikarp Salesman turned around to see what was going on.

BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM! Something was clubbing him in the face! He backed up a little bit, and saw an angry red fish flopping on his seat. MAGIKARP!

"Why, you little-" he grunted, but then ANOTHER Magikarp snuck into his shirt! As the Salesman tried to wrench it out, ANOTHER began biting his arms and legs! Before he knew it, his entire car was being flocked and crowded with Magikarp – as if ALL of his Magikarp had somehow ESCAPED their Pokeballs!

"Holy cra-AHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He screamed as one Magikarp smacked him across the face, using the move Flail. "EPIC FLAILLLLLL!" he screamed, trying to regain control of his car. Too bad Magikarp had completely blocked his view of the road, intent on revenge.

During all this chaos, the Salesman didn't notice that the Pokemon he had trapped in the bag had undone the drawstring and snuck out! Through an open window, Hoppin and Aipom helped the other two climb out, and all four made it out to freedom! (Incidentally, they used Magikarp as cushions as they jumped out. Magikarp can be so HANDY!)

"You ready, Altaria?" Ash laughed.

(Altaria: I'll kill you.)

"I LOVE you, Altaria!" Ash responded. They had sped up quite a bit, and the getaway car was now in sight! "Geez, it's like it's PACKED with Magikarp! What are they doing, having a revolution?" Ash laughed. "Oh, well. ALTARIA, DIVE BOMB THE CAR!"

(Altaria: K'.)

Altaria began her decent, speeding up to hundreds of miles per hour. Suddenly, James realised something. "Ash? Aren't WE going to be on Altaria when she crashes?" He screamed.

Ash was silent as they plummeted toward the car. Then came the screaming.

"!"

"Guys, we MADE it!" Meowth shouted, "Now let's get to Zuregrotto before the Salesman gets control of his car again!"

"Why Zuregrotto?" Hoppin asked, bewildered at the fact that she was free at long last.

"Ash, Jessie and James will probably be there looking for us!" Meowth chortled as they continued running (rather, three runners and one hover'er). "We'll be back with them before we KNOW it!"

"But what about US?" asked Odder. "We don't HAVE trainers!"

Meowth was stunned silent. "…Don't have TRAINERS?" he asked. "But WHY?"

"I dunno! Hoppin and I never HAD trainers! We were just wild Pokemon!"

Meowth stopped talking, trying to think of a solution to the problem. As the escaped, none of them noticed the sound of a smashing car behind them.

James groaned, sitting up from the impact site. "J-Jessie, Ash… is everyone alright?"

Jessie grunted, then managed to sit up as well. "First an injured foot, now a smashed up skeletal system…"

Ash was fine, though, and giving his Altaria a Super Potion (Altaria: I hate you.) "Well, at least Altaria and I are alright… god, though, look at all these Magikarp!"

Ash was right. Magikarp lined the car, Magikarp lined the road, karp, karp EVERYWHERE! Surprisingly, none of them were dead, just flopping along as if nothing had happened. "Aipom! Where are you?" Ash called, digging through the car's wreckage. "Oh my god! They're not here!"

"What do you mean!" Jessie and James cried in unison.

"They aren't here! Our POKEMON!" Ash shrieked. All three of them began to dig even more (Altaria: I'm still here… barely.) but none of them could find their Pokemon.

"Ahhh, what if Meowth managed to sneak them out in a way not mentioned to the readers in case of foreshadowing!" James asked. "You know that sneak – the Pokemon are probably on their way to Zuregrotto or something."

Jessie stared at James. "Is it just me, or are you more intuitive these days?" She asked sarcastically.

"It doesn't matter! Let's go find our Pokemon!" Ash exclaimed. So the three jumped back onto a wounded, angry Altaria (Alratia: -_-) and flew off to Zuregrotto.

Unfortunately, none of them saw the huge league of Magikarp flash-evolving into Gyrados. Angry Gyrados. Waiting for revenge…

Yay, I got a relatively large chapter in! Feel free to comment (in fact, I'd prefer that to NO comments) and weigh in on this chapter! I'm glad to be writing again! See you soon!


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